Three Keys to Your Successful Valentine’s Day Celebration
by Dr. Joey Faucette, Marriage Coach, www.StayMarriedForever.org
Cindy and Steve were married last summer. This February 14 is their first Valentine’s Day as husband and wife. They each want to make it a memorable one, but wonder, “How do we do that?”
Fran and Paul have been married 23 years. That’s forever in dog years. Valentine’s Day is just another date on the calendar for them. But CNN said Americans will spend about $13 billion on the holiday so they ought to do something. Besides they continue to love each other deeply, but aren’t sure how to celebrate again in a meaningful way.
Despite the difference in years of marriage—human or dog—Cindy and Steve and Fran and Paul face the same dilemma, “How do we successfully celebrate Valentine’s Day?” This is my third decade as a Marriage Coach and during the years, I’ve discovered three keys to successful Valentine’s Day celebrations. These three keys grow from my use of the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator®, helping couples understand their unique personality behaviors, and why “Opposites Attract.”
Public or Private?
Cindy and Steve, Fran and Paul are each energized in one of two ways: the outer world of people and things or the inner world of ideas and concepts. Extroverts get energy from the outer world. Introverts pay more attention to their inner worlds.
For their Valentine’s Day celebration to be successful, each couple must decide whether to celebrate publicly—go to a restaurant with every other couple in town and see their friends—or privately—a quiet, intimate evening at home, just the two of them. Extroverts want to make a party out of any event so they’ll prefer the restaurant. Introverts are more comfortable with one-on-one conversation so they’ll choose home.
The key for whoever does the Valentine’s planning in each couple is to know which personality preference their spouse has. Typically, Steve just does what suits his personality preference, but if the evening is to be done up right for Cindy, her personality preference is considered first.
Also, a nice alternative if you are an Extrovert like Paul and your spouse is an introvert like Fran is going out of town to a smaller, more intimate restaurant. You’ll know fewer people to interrupt so your “Fran” is satisfied, and you’ll be out in public with others so your “Paul” is energized.
Mushy or Manly?
When choosing gifts or cards, most of us select what we’d like or what makes sense to us. Yet, men and women tend to make decisions quite differently. Men are often more objective and may hurt feelings without meaning to. Women are usually more subjective and put others’ feelings first.
Steve’s and Paul’s objectivity engineers their card choice. Ever wonder why all of the larger cards are at the top of the racks? Steve is taller than Cindy so it’s in his line of sight. And because Paul is more objective, he associates size—a bigger card—with more affection for Fran. He depends on the card’s author to say something appropriate. So Steve and Paul select a large card, skim it, and leave.
Objectivity determines their gift decisions, also. “What does she need?” or “What did she tell me she wanted?” are critical questions for Steve and Paul to know when buying.
Cindy and Fran make for a successful Valentine’s celebration when they appreciate card size and drop “hints” for what they want or expect.
Cindy and Fran’s subjectivity drives their card choice. They’ll search for quite some time, reading myriads of cards, to say just what their hearts feel for their husbands, not to mention their children, parents, friends, etc.
Subjectivity greatly influences their gift decisions as well. Cindy and Fran ponder at length and walk through the stores for hours for something that’s “just right” for their husbands.
Steve and Paul create a successful Valentine’s celebration when they carefully read and comment specifically on the words in a card and appreciate their gifts with words like, “You really went out of your way to get this gift. It’s great!”
Stand-By or Surprise?
Cindy and Steve may not have discovered it yet, but Fran and Paul have—who enjoys surprises and who doesn’t? Who gets bored easily and who doesn’t?
Fran knows that Paul values consistency. For Paul, going to the same restaurant every year for Valentine’s Day—his ole stand-by—is what he’s most likely to do. Conversely, she is more spontaneous, likes variety, and gets bored going to the same restaurant every year.
Since they’ve been to the same restaurant for the last three years, Fran tells Paul, “I know you like to go to Bubba’s House of Ribeyes, but this year for Valentine’s Day, what do you say we go somewhere else? I don’t care where. Just surprise me with another restaurant, okay?”
Fran realizes that to get her desires met and create a successful Valentine’s Day celebration, she has to declare those needs and give Paul some help in finding a way out of his preference and closer to hers. And hopefully Paul will listen to Fran, call Bubba, and cancel his reservation for the cozy table in the corner near the salad bar.
You Can Do It, Too!Like Cindy and Steve, Fran and Paul, you and your spouse can enjoy a Happy Valentine’s Day celebration by using these three keys to unlock your “Opposites Attract” factors in your marriage. Just ask yourselves,
“Public or Private?
“Mushy or Manly?”
“Stand-By or Surprise?”
and enjoy a wonderful Valentine’s Day.
